Thursday, October 21, 2010

David Vitter

Pastor Chet and I have taken the De-Gaying to new heights. As such, we receive many appeals from politicians hoping to receive the ever-growing Ex-Gay vote. These politicians span the height and breadth of our great Christian Nation, from Joe Miller in Alaska to an old friend of Damn Straight!, Senator David Vitter.

Senator Vitter has apparently been following our Lord's Embrace Ex-Gay Ministry closely for some time and he and I have been corresponding frequently regarding strategies for his reelection this year. Recently, he forwarded a new television spot to me to sign off on:

David Vitter for U.S. Senate

This week, my campaign released another new television advertisement titled, "Sneakers."
"Sneakers" is set in what can only be Charlie Melancon's office as it's filled with memorabilia, like Obama sneakers, an Obama lava lanmb, as well as books about President Obama. It is only natural; Charlie Melancon is Obama's biggest fan.
Watch the ad here:

Watch the ad here:
Melancon endorsed Obama for President, voted for Obama’s bailouts, stimulus and reckless budget that triples our debt. Charlie Melancon won’t even repeal Obamacare, even when other "blue dog" Democrats have come out in favor of repeal.
But what should Louisianians expect? When asked to grade President Obama, Melancon says he deserves an "A."
I will continue to stand against Charlie Melancon and President Obama’s reckless, wasteful agenda that is too focused on expanding our debt and growing government. Join me in taking that fight to Washington in this November’s election!
David Vitter
P.S. You can watch my other ad, "One Thousand Words," here. "One Thousand Words," sums up all you need to know about Charlie Melancon in a 30 second ad.


I long suspected Mr. Melancon of being "light in the loafers" as they say. But, if your campaign has evidence of him doing a "Lava Lamb" with another man, this could be the clincher to get this race squarely in our favor. We won't even have to knock a single door if that video is released to the public.(I assume your mis-spelling of Lava Lamb was just an error-- or perhaps Lava "Lanmb" is bayou jive for the acrobatic intimate act between two men?) 

Senator Vitter, I know you are a family man, and you probably never did the Lava Lamb yourself, but as an ex-gay outreach minister, I can tell you firsthand that among the Homosexual Community it is one of the most shameful and degrading ways in which we they defile their bodies in unholy passion and man-on-man lust. 

This filthy little amusement has it's origins in primitive, pagan rituals and 18th century livestock husbandry methods. I urge you NOT to google "Lava Lamb" from your Senate office computer or on any computer your wife and children use! I can tell you firsthand that just the malware infection alone from clicking on the videos over and over again will cost you hundreds of dollars in computer repairs and more embarrassment than you want in a lifetime! That Geek Squad commands a high price for their silence!

Privately, if you, Mr. Senator, are currently in the clutches of a sinful, deviant homoerotic dalliance, PLEASE contact me immediately on my "special" line (you have the number). Pastor Chet has had TREMENDOUS success in stopping the gay cold turkey at the Lord's Embrace Ex-Gay Ministry.

DON"T suffer (or conversely, take immense pleasure,) in silence. If your path to another term in the Senate takes you through a sandy beach where scenes from doing a "Lava Lamb," "Hot Karl," or even a "HuffPo" flash before your eyes like in that old "Footprints" poem, be comforted/disturbed to know that you will see SO MANY OTHER FOOTPRINTS alongside yours. YOU'D BE SURPRISED! Metaphorically speaking, about the beach! But seriously, CALL ME either way!I'm also on twitter!

Stay strong!

Alan Brown

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